Chapter 6: To Touch His Garment

Wow. Been quite awhile. Hello Random bored person haha. Lots have gone on with me through out the year. Some of it would bore you, excite you, scare you, encourage you, and hmm i don't know maybe make you see something different. Today, I find myself thinking much about Jesus walking with Jairus when all of a sudden someone touched Jesus's cloak. Reached for healing. Believed. Became exposed. A lady in the crowd had been bleeding for years. While Jesus was walking she found a way to get behind him and reach out to his cloak. Immediately, Jesus asked, "Who touched me?" Peter tried to blame the touch on the crowd pressing in around them, but Jesus knew something way more significant had taken place. He knew someone believed. Someone was broken. Someone was in need of him. Power had gone out from him. Jesus asked a second time, and she fell at his feet recognizing that she would not go UNNOTICED by him. (He knew her and her need.) I love this next part. So marvelous! Luke wrote, "In the presence of all the people, she told WHY she had touched him and HOW she had been instantly healed. Then he(Jesus) said to her, 'DAUGHTER, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.'" In Matthew it says "she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering." It was more going on than physical healing. Her heart was being transformed. She felt FREE from the suffering. How awesome?

I can just see this scene happening. The woman so full of shame and embarrassment telling everyone why she touched Jesus. Letting all the people see her brokenness exposed. Explaining how she felt like a freed person. A healed woman. And then Jesus looking at her saying, "Daughter!" She was worth something more than her suffering. She was his daughter. She believed. She believed. She believed. I cant imagine the impact this had on the people around this. For people to see brokenness exposed and have the perfect man who claims to be the Son of God call her his daughter. Today, I feel like we do not talk about sin that often therefore sin is not exposed often. Sin stays in the depths of the heart. A heart that longs for satisfaction, healing, and transformation. A new one. I want to encourage you, randomneer, no matter what you bring before the feet of the Jesus let it be brought and exposed. Let it be poured out at his feet and exposed. No matter what you have to offer, and I mean all brokenness. Struggling with drug addiction, sexual relationships, eating problems, homosexuality, thought of suicide, pride, drunkenness, murder, wherever you find yourself... He has the power that goes out from him. A power that frees. He calls you Son, and He calls you Daughter. Let people you trust know why you have believed? Expose your heart to other believers. Yes, I mean be vulnerable with each other. There is a power that transforms in those moments. Jesus is there in other believers. Show them the grace. Experience the grace. Be embraced by his love. Now, I do understand there are many things I could go into greater detail about who to tell (ex. guy only tell guy friends.) But that is not why I am writing this to get into all the ifs, ands, buts, etc. I just want to encourage you that I have exposed my heart to people I trust, and God has been so faithful in those sweet times. He has revealed much of himself through others seeing my sin. He has disciplined me, encouraged me, loved me, and is transforming me. He will be Jesus to us. Random people we must believe.

Things for reference: Matthew 9: 18-26, Luke 8:41-56, Mark 5:21-34, 2 Corinthians 4:13-18/12:9-10, Romans 8:18-27, Hebrews 12:15 "See to it that no one misses the grace of God...", Hebrews 13:15-16

Chapter 5: Surrendering Me

NO TURNING BACK GIVING ALL OF ME THIS TIME: Gosh i wish it was that easy. haha. Its not, and I am living proof of that. Recently, my father (my best friend) has been taking me to a deeper place of daily surrender. I do believe there comes a time when God wakes us up to say "Hey, you can no longer do this own your own." Well that time came for me around September of 2009. I had tried quite the variety of things to satisfy myself.

By the way, may I confess to you random blog readers... I am so unworthy of writing or even talking about the father to you, but i want someone to know just how much grace and love He has shown to me. Well that variety of things never satisfied. Trying to find acceptance by knowing as many people as possible. Having sex with a girl that you knew would probably not be your wife. Finding acceptance in her. Drinking to "make the problems better" haha. No, honestly just to fit in. I tried it all... Tried to even do all the right things like not drink, not have sex, say the right words, read my Bible, say a few selfish prayers.

Gosh... i was so broken and I am still broken. And finally someone (well ultimately God through this someone) took the time to tell me that everything that I ever did was already taken care of... someone told me that everything i went through... (from a broken heart, loneliness, to a broken family)... that someone said that stuff had purpose nathan. It was not just wasted. Its nothing you should want any other way. Someone besides you is in control. N0w... lets rewind... in eighth grade i was "emotionally saved" i guess you could say i realized i had sin and could not remove it and only Jesus could. But that was just that. I did not know what to do after that. I honestly can say my life did change after that. I did so much of the right stuff. I depended on God when times got tough. I did a devotion every night. Then times got so hard that I started drinking and doing other things to satisfy myself.

I want to suggest that I did not really even know what being a Christian was really about. Yes, I looked great on the outside after that eighth grade experience, but it ended bad because I did not know that I had to die myself, surrender my all, give up my dreams, give up my desires, become best friends with the person that made life for me possible, do the right things because I am so freaking in love and not out of obligation, and realize how messed up and broken I really am and in that realizing the ocean of grace I have been thrown into. I myself(my sin) murdered Jesus. My sin beat nails into his hands. Mocked him. Laughed at him. Turned my back on him. I had not grasped any of those truths until September. Honestly, its nothing I can explain because it was not me at all. It was completely God and God alone revealing these things to me. And its been the greatest blessing ever.

Loosing all of yourself and surrendering to a bigger story than our tiny little ambitions... honestly does not sound like fun to pretty much anyone.. but let me tell you these past few months have been the greatest Joy getting to know the most wonderful person to ever know. By greatest Joy let me warn you... I in NO WAY mean life is all perfect, because its not. Falling in love with Jesus is in no way easy, but i PROMISE you his love for us makes it worth it all! Worth it all for His Father and our fathers GLORY! Salvation is in no way about you or in no way about me. Its about a God that wants to be praised. A God that is soooo Jealous for You!! He wants you and me. Not just 50%... every single thought, desire, dream... He wants it all, because He wants those thoughts, desires, and dreams to be HIS. He wants to make you HIS. All of you. All of me. The God of everything wants YOU and ME..... helllo.... seriously is that not the coolest thing ever?

Let me say it again...GOD (the creator of everthing, the maker of the stars, the light of the world) yes... HE WANTS YOU! and only He can make that real to us. So lately... whats been going on with me is just honestly not saying "hey God take this day from me and make it yours." Just not a complete place of surrendering me daily. He has convicted me of that, and it has been beautiful. Next week maybe the next hour... I may stumble.. I may make my schedule to busy... but gosh its so humbling to know that He is still right there. Waiting to pour his glory down on us. He is waiting with love and grace. We just have to keep letting Him in. Its rest for us to do so. Its life for us to do so. Its joy for us to do so. And most of all its Glory for Him.

Wow... i have not really been that random with this blog which is really random in itself haha. However, I would like to give a random shout out to a Great Curly Headed Friend of mine who i talked about this with today. You know who you are! I have not forgotten about the vines, ill go back some random day. Just keep coming back... who knows it may get more random.

Download or Listen to: I Surrender by Kim Walker

Chapter 4: The Abandoned House Edition

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS ON YOUR OWN. YOU WILL DIE. So today i have been so excited about blogging and the opportunity to share with you something really cool i heard about a month ago. I would like to confess that sometimes while writing i think to myself... what can i say to make people think i am cool... but i would like to pause and just say i am not telling you any of this to make me look cool or better or anything crazy like that. I come to you random people as a servant wanting somebody to read and crave a relationship with this God who has completely changed my life and turned it upside down. I do mean that. How could anything in this life change someone's lifestyle and why of thinking? Well i cannot really offer an answer thats of this world and so very common to us. I would like to suggest that God, the same very God that made you exactly the way He wanted you, can do just that. Transform the way you think, look at people, treat people, treat yourself, how you act, and most of all transform who we think we are. About a month ago i believe, I heard a guy named Rod Mays( i have no clue if that is spelled right and it could be Rob) speak and one really cool think he talked about was.... When God comes into our lives it is like... God walking into an old abandoned house or temple and He is constantly repairing and making the house beautiful. Random people... we are broken.. just as broken as a house that nobody cares about. A house that has been deserted and left for the vines to take over. Use your imagination if you have one... Sin(the very thing that separates everyone of us from God. We have no way to God bc of our sin. Bear with me...there are some of you who know we do.) is what has caused us to be in this state of abandonment... and that very sin is those consuming vines that take control of everything. So now you are seeing a house. A house left broken down in ruin with vines all over it. Stick with me Randomneers. haha. Dont ask me what that means. Lets act like this house can actually be alive. So now we have a living house... What is nathan on?? just coffee i promise.. but seriously now.. we have this abandoned house. Can it fix it self? Can someone who knows nothing but sin fix their sin? Think about... Can you? Can i? We sure try to, or at least i have. But i failed every time i tried and i am sure some random person out there knows exactly what i am talking about. Jesus is the only way to our Father in heaven. He is the way to God. We do have a way. But in no way is that way ourselves.... but we sure want it to be. Imagine... A man dressed in white, beautiful beyond compare, perfect in every single way, perfect in love, perfect in grace... walking through the woods and seeing an old shabby house overtaken by those vines. He walks up opens the door. (At that moment He was nailed to the cross.) He took on this old broken house and wanted to restore it. Wanted to make it beautiful. Wanted it to be HIS. Wanted to see it shine because of what HE DID and is going to do. He could have easily built a beautiful mansion but instead he choose to take upon himself the brokenness of that old house. That house is you! That house is me! Jesus came and was nailed to the cross for our brokenness. Our sin. Our imperfections. Thats why He came. He came so we could be restored just like that house so Our father in heaven may be glorified! Sooo.... like... this Jesus dude comes in our lives and our lives just become awesome and perfect.... haha yeah i wish! No... we are seen as perfect because we are seen as Jesus himself standing before our father! Now for the physical part because of course we are forced to live in this broken world. No other option sorry guys. When Jesus comes in the door of our lives he fixes, heals, restores, and equips us step by step. Just like when that man walks in that old house. He has to fix and restore it room by room. Leak by leak. Broken board by broken board. Tearing those vines down that we have let consume our lives. Its a constant transformation that only Jesus can do! and when we loose our selfish ways and desires Jesus then can make us beautiful! A beautiful restored house. NO longer without an owner. No longer without a father... But now being a child of the most marvelous King of all Kings and seen completely Beautiful. How awesome is that? I think it is so exciting! I hope you do too. I really want to talk more about the vines next chapter because for some reason we like to hang on to them. I am off to RUF... wish i could write so much more.. Random fact... I have a tattoo. Random i know.. Come back for more!

Abandoned Homes coming soon...

Chapter 3: Interruption of Beautiful Randomness

Abandoned homes? Yeah, i'll save that for later. Coffee and the King are great this morning. Last night was a pretty thrilling night. Reformed University Fellowship, probably the best thing that ever hit the ole miss campus (Sorry Eli!), is where you would have found the fellow of randomness last night. Les, the RUF director, talked about adoption into God's family. God's children have security, assurance, intimacy, and most of all they have an inheritance. Can you imagine being a co-heir with Jesus (the man who came down from on high to be thrown on a cross by your sin and somehow rose from the dead)? Can you imagine actually being a heir of God himself?? The King of Kings, The Lord of Lords, The one who named the stars, the one who called the earth into motion, the freaking beginning and the end!! Is it possible that we could maybe inherit God himslef??? Something to ponder on! What is that feeling that keeps us longing for security? What is that feeling of wanting to be loved? What is that feeling of wanting to do the right thing but completely just doing the opposite? "Come to me!" -Jesus says. "Come follow me and i will give you the sweetest rest, but to follow me you must loose yourself." We crave that security and intimacy from something outside ourselves. Where will we turn to get it? The God who longs to be your father, or the things of this broken world. People that follow this completely random blog... this guy (me mr. random himself) wants you to know this world has nothing to offer when it becomes our security. Drinking, Sex, Talking about people simply for conversation sake, Money, Family, relationships, clothes, etc... I have been there. I still go there sometimes... They do not satisfy! I am going to scream that... THEY DO NOT SATISFY!!! They will not give you anything but a temporary satisfaction setting yourself up for failure, but only God can make that real to us. And when He does it is BEAUTIFUL. He will make you even feel Beautiful. Are we willing to let Him? Are we willing to die? (DIE???? Did he really just say that?) haha. No, i am not suggesting suicide for us random people. I am talking about the DEATH of our selfishness, Self, and Sin. Will we let God wake us up to that? Will we be willing to suffer a death like Jesus himself? To the literal random thinker... Nooo... we are not having a big crucifixion party this weekend. Nooo... we are not going to pull out the whips and beat each other for the sake of the Gospel. But what i am talking about is... Coming down from on high and actually realizing that our small little selves have to surrender our small little ways of satisfying ourselves! Are you really satisfied?? And even though we are so small and sooo broken... God himself knows everything about us. He made us. He holds your breath. But are willing to admit that we cant make it, and we NEED Him?? Something to think about! Something to maybe even Rejoice about it?? I think so. Now, what will it look like when we do surrender ourselves? Remember those abandoned houses? Come back to find out... Do you want to know? Are you curious? Philipians 3: 7-11... Did you read it?? Maybe it has a little to do with what I have been talking about. Romans 8: 12-25... is it true that we can be adopted by God himself? Maybe so... let God show you! Only He can awaken us. Have a rockin day full of crazy randomness. Sorry for the Chapter of Interruption... but maybe just maybe we needed this random interruption.

Chapter 2: Coffee and The King

I have been brain storming for hours of how to make this interesting and what i was going to talk about, but i have truly failed haha. To all of you who love a great piece of literature... See you later! Coffee is something I have grown a liking for since i came to college. Test keep us young folks up in the wee hours of the night, and for the old fellers heck they just need it to survive, i guess. Need that extra boost in their lives. Who knows? Coffee is so hot. I mean seriously. Have you ever just tried to take a sip and felt like you stuck your tongue on the stove? I have. I have also gotten so distracted that my coffee has sat for so long... you would have thought i ordered a frappuccino. I want to suggest that when we are excited to get into Gods word that our relationship with Him becomes on fire like that cup of freshly poured coffee. This excitement is nothing we can conjure up with will power on our own, but instead its excitement from the Spirit of God. Have you ever woke up just wanting to talk to God? Have you ever read a verse in the Bible, and you were like that makes complete sense now? Have you ever been able to love that person you just dont really care for? Maybe that is the Spirit of God. Isn't that exciting for us? Now, I am not a biblical scholar. I am so far from that. Me saying i am a "WIZ" at the Bible would be like my 4 year old nephew telling you "I am master at Calculus." Yeah right. So what i am saying may or may not be valid. I am trying to pitch that when we smother that excitement we have been freely given with things of this world... (busyness, schedules, relationships, and so much more)... that our relationship with God suffers, and it becomes like that cold coffee. Just boring. I am not in anyway saying that God has changed or has left any of us when we face that problem. I am simply trying to throw out a thought that maybe we are smothering ourselves with too much of the world

and not letting God breathe in us through His Word. Good thing He is in control of everything. Right? Because if the King

of every living thing is in complete control our relationship with Him is in his hands. I mean ultimately our relationship with Him is completely for His Glory alone. So i wonder why sometimes we think we get to" wear the pants." Heck i think that sometimes, but it is just a lie from the enemy (He is definitely for another chapter because there is no true warmth he is stirring up in me.) You know, i really love abandoned homes. Random, i know. Come back to see why i think they are more than a site to see. But back to this coffee... lately i have been going to meet Jesus at different coffee places in Oxford. It has been so exciting for me to do. Just getting to know more about who I am falling in love with. I was at square books drinking a "dollar coffee" and I read this verse and loved it... Philippians 3:7-11... Check it out! I am so sorry this has been so jumpy and may not have made any since to you haha. But this is what i wanted to share and until next time I'll be chilling with Coffee and The King.

Nate

what warms my heart coming soon...